The authors of this site have looked through a bunch of past issues of PCGamer and panstainkly read through every article that Colin wrote. (Argh! The horror!) Here are the best and most memorable lines from his reviews and previews. So without further ado, here is The Best of Colin Williamson.

"To exact revenge, she sets off in her magical flying washing machine to explore the fantastic worlds of the Rabbit and decimate his army of lagomorphic stormtroopers. At this point, you're probably thinking, 'This sounds like one of them Frenchie games!' Close but no cigar-it's actually English." - Armed and Delirious, May 1998

"The box calls it 'Illogical logic' what I call it can't be printed in the pages of this magazine." - Armed and Delirious, May 1998

"�which proudly classifies itself as 'the first non-violent 3D shooter' (which is kinda like saying 'the first porno flick without the nudity')." - eXtreme paintball Feburary 1999

"� your teammates, whose behavior has been realistically modeled after the characters in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. These fellows run in circles, bump into each other, jump off cliffs, hump the walls, and moonwalk while shooting paintballs from their butt." eXtreme paintball Feburary 1999

"Paintbrawl features two exciting sound effects: the fart-like sound of your gun firing and a liquid-y splat of the paintball smacking into it's target." - eXtreme paintball Feburary 1999

"As for the 'online' component, I'm sure the network modes in Paintbrawl would be very exciting if the programmers had actually remembered to make them work. You can host a game over an IPX network, but the dialog box won't let you actually connect to someone else's game. This means that you can play over a network, just not with each other." - eXtreme paintball Feburary 1999

"in all my years in the industry, I've never heard anything so unique. Racing guitar jams combine with country twangs and classical music-all within the same song, like some twisted music major's science experiment." - eXtreme paintball Feburary 1999

"Go rent the movie. This sucks" - Men In Black, March 1998

"Streets of SimCity is a game that suffers from an identity crisis�" - Streets of SimCity, March 1998

"the only problem is when you turn the fog all the way on, it's kinda like driving through stomach fluid." - Streets of Sim City, March 1998

"When more than two cars appear on screen the framerate drops like a brick�" Streets of SimCity, March 1998

"Speed Busters opens with a video sequence that's cool in a goofy Mentos-commercial kind of way." - Speed Busters, March 1999

"Around 90 percent of the game's voice acting is pretty well done, but the remaining ten percent contains some voices that are slightly less pleasing to the ear than nails on a chalkboard" - Redguard, March 1999

"Most gamers will be ready to follow this bouncing ball right into the recycle bin" - Glover March 1999

"Unfortunately, Glover's actual gameplay is so utterly screwed up there's really not much point." - Glover March 1999

"Glover does virtually nothing right�"- Glover March 1999

"Glover himself looks like a slightly mutated version of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow man from Ghostbusters." - Glover March 1999

"The seemingly drunken camera system frequently gets "stuck" resulting in myriad cheap hits and early deaths." - Glover March 1999

"Sadly, you can't actually see much of the level at any given time, since Turok has an uncomfortably limited viewing distance. The screen "fogs out" after twenty feet or so�" - Turok: dinosaur hunter march 1998

"but if you aim for the brain, that sucker drops faster than the value of the ruble." House of the Dead, December 1998

"Highs: The unintentional "crash and your PC crashes" feature keeps you on your toes. Lows: Gameplay, graphics, animation, sound, manual, and box." - Evel Knievel 3D stunt Game.

"The game also promises 'Progressive harder stunts for fifty events to complete!' making us deduce that the game was so good, even the packaging copy-writers couldn't think straight." - Evel Knievel 3D stunt game.

"our favorite daredevil carelessly lifts his butt right into the camera. Having a polygon posterior in your face is a bad thing when nasty objects are strewn in your path�" - Evel Knievel 3D stunt Game.

"in this regard it manages to fall even shorter than Evel's ill-fated jump across the Snake River." - Evel Knievel 3D stunt Game.

"Evel looks as rigid as a freeze-dried gerbil.." - Evel Knievel 3D stunt Game.

"If you're hungry for crazy stunt thrills just pick up a copy of Motocross Madness, and enter your name as 'EvalKnvl'" - Evel Knievel 3D stunt Game.

"Instead of deploying an elite strike team of navy SEALS to take care of things, the President goes to a youth correction facility, recruits a strike team of six psychotic nutcases gives them the trademarked Cool Weapons of Destruction, and airdrops them into a jungle. See? Government spending cutbacks do work!" - Soldier Boyz September 1997

"If the odd plot hasn't turned you off yet, the shallow gameplay certainly will" - Soldier Boyz September 1997

"The Soldier Boyz web site seems proud of this, reminding you that 'If you're good enough, you could mow down over 240 opponents in photo-realistic gory detail!' Great." - Soldier Boyz September 1997

"�wait until Soldier Boyz is on HBO, then shoot rubber bands at the TV and get your little brother to hit ketchup packets with a hammer for extra realism. You may not have any more fun than you would with this game, but you'll have saved thirty bucks, at least." - Soldier Boyz September 1997

"In a near future war zone, some wussie third world country is slowly stockpiling biological weapons and other naughty destructive devices, so its your God-given American duty to hop into a super-tank and start kicking ass." - Mass Destruction May 1998

"The controls are so simple, a monkey could figure them out." - Demonstar, May 1998